Normally I don’t aim my posts at a particular individual but today I am making an exception…This post will only make sense to one person—everyone else can disregard.


Dearest Jared,

I just wanted to say thanks for a few things:

-Thank you for FINALLY meeting me last week. It’s only taken 6 years to wear down your resistance and make you stop avoiding me.

-Thank you for picking a bar with an abundance of the most annoying Raiders fans ever.

-Thank you for saying our server looked like Garth from Wayne’s World, which not only made me want to watch the movie(s), but also made me want to burst into laughter every time she came to the table. And just keep in mind that you were like 8 ounces ahead of me…And yeah, I might just be a label peeler.

-Thank you for calling me an asshole. Because of this, you will be the recipient of something very special this holiday season.

But, most of all, thanks for not being a douchebag and for a great evening! It’s always nice to reconnect with someone from your past (however sketchy it may be) that you’ve never actually met and have it not be weird. Thanks for not being a sketchy mofo, J-Mo!

Aww, aren’t I nice? There, now you can’t say I didn’t blog about you!